Forgiveness: Do It for Calm

Life is filled with rich relationships and experiences, as well as painful ones. How we hold on to or release the hurt directly affects our current and future calm. 

When someone hurts you, whether purposefully or accidentally, it’s typical to hold on to anger to subconsciously protect yourself from getting hurt again. But carrying that pain around keeps you in a state of suffering. On the flip side, if you screw up (which we all do!), beating yourself up doesn’t do you or the person you harmed any good.

When you forgive someone else and yourself, it releases the grip of suffering. You can finally put it down and not carry it anymore.

We’re all doing the best we can

We’re all doing the best we can with the knowledge and experience we’ve had so far. For example, one of my client’s siblings estranged themselves from the family, leading to her not being there for major events such as the birth of my client’s first child. Years later, the sibling came back, and my client felt enormous bitterness and anger toward her. Upon learning more, though, my client discovered her sibling had gone through a traumatic experience she hadn’t known about, which explained the disappearance. By releasing resentment and offering forgiveness, both could then move forward and build a new relationship without dragging anger and sadness with them.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting

To be clear, forgiveness is not about forgetting. Forgiveness is about allowing yourself to release the toxicity of anger and negativity that needlessly keeps you in a stressful state.

Authentic forgiveness takes time and can’t be forced. You’ll know when you’re ready. You deserve peace. Forgiveness is always there for you. 

Calm is forgiveness and compassion for others, as well as yourself.