Calm doesn’t mean losing your energy, it means gaining it. Let’s calm up, not calm down.
As I’ve been doing interviews and book events for the launch of my book, Chaos to Calm, a topic that has been coming up often is, “What do you mean when you say, Calm?”
People often think calm is sitting still in quiet meditation, eyes closed in zen-land, speaking with a low, soft voice, and moving slowly.
But what it actually means is dancing in the kitchen with your kids while making dinner. Patience during homework help. Flirting and having fun with your partner. Engaging in meaningful and exciting conversations with colleagues and community members.
Calm means that I:
- Can tackle what comes my way in flow versus resistance
- Am grounded with positive energy
- Have the capability to make mindful decisions versus quick emotional reactions
- Can be more patient and intentional with my behavior with others (aka, less yelling at the kids)
- Have more natural, joyful moments
- Am more energetic and less burnt out
Calm means that I don’t:
- Harbor resentment or bitterness
- React impulsively with emotional decisions
- Feel overwhelmed with anger
- Reach burnout levels of stress every day
- Repress feelings or become unnaturally stoic
What creates your calm?
Every person’s peace looks different. Mine is when I have positive energy and joyful vibration with the noise of people I love around me. Others may feel over-stimulated by people and noise, and their calm derives from quiet solo time.
No matter where and how you feel most calm naturally, it is a feeling you can practice to stay grounded even in situations that trigger overwhelm.
Calm is when you can respond thoughtfully and meet situations and people with openness, patience, and curiosity. It isn’t about shutting down, being isolated or unemotional, or being super mellow; it’s about thriving and interacting with the world from a mindful, grounded place.
Let’s calm up, not calm down
When you’re grounded, your nervous system is in a safe, healthy space that allows you more energy to go after what inspires you, enjoy quality time with your family, and help you follow through on your goals and commitments with more joy.
What can you put in place to give your heart, mind, and body more peace? What’s the infrastructure you need to set up for yourself to have a balanced nervous system so you can accomplish your day in a grounded and intentional rather than panicked and reactionary way?
My infrastructure is my “five pillars of calm,” as I wrote in my book.
Whenever I feel myself going off the rails into chaos (hey, with four kids and a traveling husband, it happens!) I check myself on the five pillars. I get my efficiency practices on track, make sure I have the right habits in place, surround myself with a supportive community, communicate effectively to get the support I need, and create time for my non-negotiable self-care (like healthy eating and exercise every day). I can’t keep giving from an empty cup, and these tools help me feel full, energized, and excited for what’s next – whatever that may be.
These pillars help me (and hopefully you, too!) be able to take care of myself so I can care for others and follow my ambitions.
Take notice
Notice when you are in a peaceful and energized state. Recognize where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, and what led up to that moment so you can try to repeat those patterns.
And when you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and chaotic, utilize what you noticed brought you back to peace or use one of these strategies, and remind yourself to calm up!
To read more on the five pillars of calm, pick up my book: Chaos to Calm: 5 ways Busy Parents Can Break Free From Overwhelm, and sign up for my Own Your Calm newsletter!
Reach out, I’m here for you.
